Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
