i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
