I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
