I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
