I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His nipple licking is glorious
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