the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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