Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
