I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
