does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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