This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
