NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
