It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
