A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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