When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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