I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
