shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
