remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
