Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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