the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
