my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
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