I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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