I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize