But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
