Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
