the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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