I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
