found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Four minutes until I can fart!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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