i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
