My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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