I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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