I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
