I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
