after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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