Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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