My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
