Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Shame is for Republicans.
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