Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
