If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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