Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
