In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
