My sheets look like a crime scene.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
