Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
