Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize