Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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