i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
