the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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