On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
