you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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