I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
