She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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