Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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