note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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