My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
