Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
