i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize