we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
