it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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