there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
