I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
