big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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