She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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