we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
