Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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