he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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