I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
