you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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