1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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