the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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