I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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