He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
