Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
