I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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