ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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