Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
