whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
