I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
