she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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